Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
