just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
