non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
