who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
