I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
