Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
