Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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