The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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