im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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