Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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