Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
