dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
