Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
