i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
