Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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