there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
