I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
