who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
