I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
