I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Pants are for mortals
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
