Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want nice things and good sex
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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