I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
