We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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