DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
