I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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