i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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