does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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