spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
