she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
