I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
