hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
