if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize