Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
