i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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