too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
