one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize