I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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