if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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