So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
