is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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