Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i out mim tonsoeep
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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