How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
