Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I CAN MOONWALK!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
