can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
