i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
