Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize