she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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