exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
