im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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