Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
