So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
