You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
