so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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