I love black thongs
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
