the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass