Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later