they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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