Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out