remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit