My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
