I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
