I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
