For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
