i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
