If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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