is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
