is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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