Your dad touched me again.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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