We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
